The journey continues

Well, it's been a crazy time here in the Schaub house.  I've had some real struggles at my daughters school that have brought out the MAMA Bear in me. Suffice it to say, all things can look UP.  I have learned over the years when to pick my battles, and let me tell you ... this was one of those times.  I was not an evil person about it either, I just made my way up the ranks until I got to someone that would LISTEN to me.  And WOW did I get heard. Loud and Clear.  Because the Principal RESIGNED.  I have spoken to so many parents in the past week that are so so so happy about this! I was not the only one having trouble...I was just the only one willing to go to the top about it.  The total problem is not over yet, but it's a road to be traveled.

Anyway!  On top of that stress, Eric and I have been way behind in the lawncare business due to putting in a huge dock that took two days (and still not done) that set us way back on lawns.  I say...there is a reason for everything. I am reallly working on my positive attitude!  We are slowly getting some calls too for new clients! YEAH!!! Eric's dream is to be able to quit his job and just do lawn care full time.  (after my surgery of course! haha)

We have lived in our house for 5 yrs now, and have been harassed several times by one of the neighbors regarding the property line...an old shed (on his property) that is full of junk which he says we put there. (not true at all) TWICE the police have been out here. And the other day, I was driving home and asked God for a sign...what to do w/ our house.  That evening, the nasty neighbor showed up with the police ranting about the shed and the property line.  I said...THERE IS MY SIGN!!! yeah!! So, the next day, we put our house up for sale. Badabing Badaboom!  It's all going to work out.

So, this leads me up to the real post (meat of my post anyway).  I was sort of overwhelmed about the task at hand...you know, packing, sorting, getting rid of things....stuff...junk!!!! Because we all know if you sell a house...you MUST stage it!  So, I called my amazing friend (I'll call her Ann to protect the innocent lol) Ann.  Of course she is the master of all things organized.  The queen of de-clutter and the mother of them all when it comes to decision making ... keep it? throw it? burn it? You get my drift.  I knew I could call on her and ask if she could come up for a wkend and help me.  However, as our conversation progressed I could see she was dealing w/ enough stress in her own life, and it would be too selfish of me to request her to come, so I told her I loved her and would survive it on my own.  I think that was a relief to her although she would have come if I pressed it.  So our conversation continued about other things...and eventually came to my surgery date. (july 20).  I could actually feel the change in the air as she once again told me I should not do it.  She has told me before that she would love me no matter what my decision, but that she did not like the idea of me doing the surgery. This time, however, she was more vocal. She felt all I needed to do was get a personal trainer.  I was hurt and shocked by her negative reaction to something I am doing for me.  I've done my research and spoken to many RNY patients and friends who have actually gone through this surgery.  I know what I'm getting into.  I've also tried everything up to this point to try and lose the weight on my own. Unsuccessfully. Over and over.  The defeat.  My friend, Ann, proceeded to tell me of several people she knows that have gone through w/ it and wished they had not. That they gained all the weight back etc.  It felt like she was telling me I was going to fail. That she herself had no faith in my ability to use this tool to accomplish the goal it is meant for.   I feel I have been judged by the one friend I NEVER thought would judge me like a thin person would.  I have spent the past 20 hrs not sleeping, and stressing over our conversation.  I know she will never understand what my life as an obese person is like because she has never had to live it.  She is thin.  I think she's maybe been 30 lbs overweight at one time, but set her mind to losing it and has maintained that for years and years now....after 2 kids! Thin people think differently.  Stop and ask yourself this question...if you're thin or have never been obese:  When you see a fat person...do you think...oh disgusting! She needs to stop eating at McD's, and get a membership at a gym!     ???? Do you?  I know I have been guilty of that in my 20's.  That is...until it happened to me. What a change of thinking then!

I guess what I'm really getting at here, is that I knew there were going to be some friends that would not agree or support me 100% on my decision. I knew that.  However, I think Ann is the most shocking one for me...as we have been friends for so long.

To all of you that know me....and still love me the way I am....thank you.  I need to do this surgery for ME.  I need to feel like I have a chance at getting my life back.  I miss horseback riding so much!!! I want to feel comfortable again being in a group of people.  I see more and more the judgment passed down by thin people. It's very sad.  I think it's awful that our society wants us all to look like Barbie, and condemns anyone who doesn't.

My conclusion is that I will continue to love her...be her friend.  I feel there may be something lost, but who knows? Maybe it will just be a gap in time for us now, but a bridge to a better and more understanding friendship later?  Who knows.  I know this...I'm moving forward and getting closer everyday to my surgery date.  I know I've made the right decision.  I just hope those dear to me can accept that and be a support team for me.  A positive support team that cheers me on!

Thanks everyone! Everything is going to be ok. I know it in my heart and soul.