The Me I try not to be

Well, it's official.  I've become the big "B".  Yup. I'm beginning to understand now, after all these years, why I've become a hermit, why I love the country lifestyle, and why I try not to be ME.

Recently I learned that my name is being handed around town - probably attached to the "B" word as well.  People are asking,"Who is Lana?"  All because I stood my ground and created a ripple in the oh so stuck up/stuck in their ways school scene.  Yes, I did.  I spent a year 'talking' to the Principal at my daughters school regarding another child that came into her kindergarten class towards the end of her school year.  THEN came first grade. OMG it got worse and worse and worse.  Several attempts at real meetings with the Principal, and still nothing.  Needless to say the teacher didn't know what she was dealing with either....(not me but w/ the little girl that I mentioned).  Of course, I'd be lax if I didn't mention that after a year of banging my head against the wall....I started to look elsewhere for the EAR that would listen to me.  I eventually worked my way up the chain of command.  I also left a lot of ears screamed in along the way.  People DO NOT like change.  They fight it tooth and nail.  However, if it's  your child that is involved, you tend to fight back.  Boy howdy did I.  I talked and talked to whoever I could get to listen for 10 min.  Even went to the priest, then to the Superintendant for the whole school system in our region.  Guess what?  Mr. Principal is no longer with us.  He decided to resign.  Well, good for you and bye bye, don't let the door hit you in the A** on your way out.  And, it turns out, I wasn't the only parent having a little hop skip and jump over his leaving!  Just turns out no one else felt like fighting. (except my awesome friend Becky! couldn't have done it w/o you woman!).  So, this is where my name comes in...it's getting handed around town, and I have NO idea what all is being said about me, but I think the word "B" is attached. I'm cool with that.  I am that sort of woman that has friends....and they are few.  BUT, they know me!  They love me anyway. 

I'm not always like that, and there are days I wish I weren't Me.  I get on my soap box and have my huge list of how things are supposed to be.  Over the years I've learned to be political on a few levels, but when I'm backed into a corner, or if I feel a huge wrong has been committed....God help the poor person that gets in my way.  The sad thing about me though is that I blaze a trail of fire wide enough to drive a Train through, and I wish I weren't that way.  I WISH I could be more subtle, more patient in the outcome of things.  I'm bull headed sometimes and strong willed. This can be a blessing and a curse.  In most cases where I'm concerned, it's a curse.  I've alienated friends over the years, and probably a lot of people I shouldn't have.  I've burned bridges w/ that blazing fire too.  Some have been repaired because I was Woman enough to say I'm sorry. Others...well....what's past is past I guess.

I hope as the years pile up on me, that I can learn a little more restraint...and patience.  I'm not big on that one. Never have been.  One thing though, if you're in a fight and you need someone in your corner....I'm your girl.