Family is not always the Best.

Well, once again...12 years later, I'm STILL trying to figure out what it is that keeps my sister from sharing a Holiday w/ my family.  The kids, Mr. Eye Candy and I have never shared ONE holiday with my sister and her family.  I personally have not been to her house for a holiday EVER.  Since my mother died almost 12 yrs ago, it has never once been mentioned or arranged.  I've tried and tried to get her to talk to me about WHY we do not share holidays.  I mean...my children would LOVE to spend a Christmas at my sisters house, or have them come to ours.  Every time I have brought up the subject I get snubbed, unanswered, or just plain ignored.  A year ago it caused such a rift between us that I stopped speaking to her. 

You know how when someone does not answer your POINT BLANK question?  You're left to draw any conclusion that comes to mind.  Let me tell you, the reasons I've come up with in my own mind as to why we are never invited, or even associated with at the Holiday hour...are many and horrible.  I once again tried to reach out to my sister. I was open...and asked her point blank in an email (which by the way is the only way to reach her because she is so busy).  I told her the list of reasons my own mind created...and they were sad. Painful and sad.  And guess what?  Two days later and she has NOT responded to the email.  Guess what my mind is saying to me now?  Yup...I'm a loser.  I'm not good enough for them.  Neither are my children or my gorgeous man.

Oh I could go into this pretty deep.  Give you background.  I'm not going to though as it's pretty painful even now to even write this.  I've always been an open person, and maybe that is too much for my sister? I've always felt I must be an embarrassment to her.  Why else would she alienate me and my family during the Holidays EVERY year?  It must must must be ME.

And, now, at a time when I'm finally learning to like me again...here come the holidays.  Reminding me of the loneliness of it all.  Mom and Dad gone. Grandma and Grandpa gone. 

I will say this...I'm very grateful for where I came from.  I love the family back in my little town. (love you guys!!!)  I'm not ashamed of where I came from or WHO I am.   I'm lucky to have had the best parents in the world.  I try to be that same type of Mom to my kids although I know I fall short...but at least my heart is always full of love and I know I'm trying my best for them.

I want Holidays to be FAMILY.  We spend our Turkey Day and Christmas time with just each other.  Sometimes the roads in MI are rough and the idea of travel is not always welcome.  However, this is my SISTER we're talking about.  What gives? What have I done?  I get no answers from her, so am left to dream up the worst.  In this case my mind is very very very good at dreaming up reasons.  Evil, horrible reasons.

So here we go again...another year of creating our own traditions in our little home.  I'm OK with that, but just once I'd like to KNOW why why why.  Is that asking too much?  Even if it hurts me? You bet. I still want to know.