Well, I know it's been awhile since I posted. Seems like one thing after another has come up to stop me from writing. My computer dying on me didn't help. I am now, however, typing on my beautiful NEW one, so I now have no excuse.
Life has a way of throwing you curve balls once in awhile. It feels like I've been hit with a few instead of dodging them though.
On a good note, I finally was able to get my chest x-ray yesterday, so that means I will be hearing from my surgeon's office soon to schedule a surgery date for my RNY gastric bypass. I am thinking it may be as early as mid-June...or late June. The sooner the better as I don't want to be off work for long! I believe it will be at least 4 weeks that I cannot lift anything over 10 lbs, so that puts a wrench in our business for the summer. I am Eric's helper in the lawn care, so not being able to DO my part is going to be a struggle for him. We've placed an ad in our schools "SCOOP" paper and we are hoping we can get a teen age boy to help out this summer. I have a babysitter lined up for Wednesdays, but still need to find someone for thursdays and fridays.
The rest of the curve balls include a very difficult decision that Eric and I are trying to make on whether to change schools for our children or not. This is a heart wrenching decision, and many tears of frustration and pain have been shed. The story is a long one...but what I will tell you is this...it has brought up SO MANY old memories and anger I had no idea I still held regarding private schooling. It seems to me, that after all these years that I've been out of school, (25...wow that is a long time) that nothing has changed in the private sector on how they do things in the "control" section. It's STILL all about telling the kids what to do and never the reasons behind it. It's STILL about pacifying the parents into some sort of coddled submission where they are not ever really in the loop on discipline or what is truly going on. It's STILL about trying to get everyone, students and parents, to fit into a nicely shaped Square Box and to follow a nice straightly drawn line...oh and Please refrain from asking any questions along this 12 year (or 13 if your child goes to preschool first) journey. Questions just get you banned and tagged as a heretic. Questions at meetings just make you look like the bad guy, and believe me when I tell you....they will make your life a living hell as a parent if you ask too many questions. So just be a nice parent and sit down and shut up. Let us tell your children how to live, think, and feel. After all, we (the school) are always right.
So, those old feelings of frustration and anger at never being able to stand up for myself or my friends have come rushing back like a whirlwind on fire! Especially now that MY children are involved.
Most of you that know me, know I am not the 'stick your head in the sand and keep your mouth shut' kind of girl. I've always spoke my mind, and I truly hope that over the years I've learned how to hold my tongue when necessary. I hope I've learned when to pick my battles too. Lots of things have been let go over the past 3 years. However, now it is time to make a change, and my poor sweet Eric is fighting that change with heart wrenching difficulty. Oh how I love this man. His tender heart is what drew me to him years ago. We are a good fit. Where I am head-strong, he sits back and thinks it through. Although I must admit sometimes that thinking process can take so long it drives even me crazy. I understand now that when it takes too long, he is just wishing the decision doesn't have to be made, and hoping it just disappears. This time, it won't. Our children depend on us to make the decision to move on from this school. A years worth of talking, meetings, tears, and begging have gotten us nowhere. I've beaten my head against a brick wall long enough.
I always try to do things these days with as much information in my belt as possible. I research, talk to other people who have been through the same scenario and pray that I can use the brains and heart that God gave me to make a logical and educated decision.
That being said...here is to the friends I've made along the way this past year!!! I'm grateful for you, and your advice. Whether that advice was something I needed or not. ha ha I hope this experience will make me a stronger person, and better mother and wife. But most of all, I can honestly say, it has done one BIG thing for me. It has made me realize that I am who I am. I am GREAT! What you see is what you get. I hide nothing and am open and honest with my feelings. I have learned that it's OK to BE ME! I'm strong, I'm tender, and I'm a raging lion (or mama bear) when times call for it. Truth is my desire. Honesty my sword. Integrity my bond. I will no longer apologize for the person I am, have been, or will be. I can finally say I am proud to be an outspoken woman! That I stand up for what I believe is right. No matter what the cost.
Here's to life! Let's live it with honesty, openness, character, and integrity. Be real.
