Well, the biopsy after my second mammogram was no big deal. Some tenderness and discomfort yesterday evening, but the cute little pillow they gave me had a spot for an ice pack...worked GREAT!
The thing for me now is the wait. This is what I'm trying to just 'breath' through. I lost my mother to cancer 11 years ago, and the reality that this could be cancer for ME is very very real. I know God is taking care of me whether this is cancer or not. I don't have to worry that I'm in His hands, but as a human being, it's pretty hard to stop your brain from going from one scenario to another!
I can't help looking at the off chance that this could mean some sort of surgery for me. Cancer or not. Although the area is very small, the tests won't be back until monday or tuesday. So, I have all weekend to sit and fight myself on the worry thing. The first call will be from my general practitioner, giving me the results from the Pathologist. Then, a couple days later I will get another call after Dr. Weitz has reviewed the results and sent an addendum to my G.P. That is the call I'm really waiting on. The second call. Whether the results are benign or not. Benign results can still mean surgery if it's suspicious enough.
So, I am fighting the mind and the stories it creates. I woke up in the middle of the night with the story of my own death playing in my head. I quickly put a stop to that and began praying for my health and long life with my family at my side.
So, dear friends...please pray not only for good news from the Pathologist, but for my creepy mind that tends to overkill the FREAK OUT mode. :)
I love that you are all praying and loving me. I can feel it from miles and miles away. It means everything to me. I will continue to keep the blog going with updates as I know them....or just random fun thoughts!
A happy me
family - is everything
Friday, March 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Mammogram - now to biopsy
Ok, today will be short and sweet. I had my second mammogram. They wanted a second one done because they didn't have anything to compare the first one to.
So, I go in, have the second mam on just one side....then they call me back in and take me down to another room for an ultrasound. I started saying .....hmmmmmm...at this point.
Then, the doctor comes in, and does the ultrasound AGAIN, and they show me what they are looking at. A small spot. Maybe as big as the top of my little finger. So, now they want a biopsy. They had an opening tomorrow, so I'm going back in tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out. I won't lie. My mother died of cancer, and two of my cousins have had cancer.
Anyway....the results from the biopsy won't be back until monday or tues, although the nurse at my general practitioners office told me to call them on friday just in case!
Worst case scenario....I have to have a non-cancerous small mass removed. Second bad case....have a cancerous mass removed and maybe additional treatment after that. BEST case? Just keep an eye on it for the next two years. ha! Yeah. Like that one.
Will keep all of you in the loop.
So, I go in, have the second mam on just one side....then they call me back in and take me down to another room for an ultrasound. I started saying .....hmmmmmm...at this point.
Then, the doctor comes in, and does the ultrasound AGAIN, and they show me what they are looking at. A small spot. Maybe as big as the top of my little finger. So, now they want a biopsy. They had an opening tomorrow, so I'm going back in tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out. I won't lie. My mother died of cancer, and two of my cousins have had cancer.
Anyway....the results from the biopsy won't be back until monday or tues, although the nurse at my general practitioners office told me to call them on friday just in case!
Worst case scenario....I have to have a non-cancerous small mass removed. Second bad case....have a cancerous mass removed and maybe additional treatment after that. BEST case? Just keep an eye on it for the next two years. ha! Yeah. Like that one.
Will keep all of you in the loop.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Another day of reflection and fun
Ok people.....I posted my first Vlog today. You know, where you download a video of yourself talking! ? ha ha I think it was OK. I want to document my journey for this gastric bypass, and want to SEE the daily/weekly/monthly struggles and triumphs!
I first want to say a little something to a dear friend of mine..."You are amazing! You have accomplished GREAT things in your life!!!! NEVER GIVE UP. I am your biggest fan!.....and never forget that God is too!"
Ok..so that being said, I move on to funny stuff. Have any of you wondered about the "Laundry Fairy?". Yes, you may know him (from Rants From Mommyland Blog) as "larry" the laundry fairy. He visits my house on a regular basis. Only to taunt me and laugh at me as he flitters around my washing machine and the PILE of laundry that grows like weeds in the garden. He comes to make me feel as if I'm just not quite good enough. He's evil......sadistic! I want to squash him with the pile of ever growing clothes that 4 people can create. I think I've given the evil thing a run for his money this week! HA HA HA Take THAT you pompus fairy! I am CAUGHT UP. yes...I am. Happy dance for me!
On the other hand, I think my sweet husband believes "Larry" is on his side. I think he believes that "Larry" magically supplies him with clean shirts, uniforms, and a full sock drawer and underwear drawer. I think my darling dearest believes that "LARRY" fills these drawers and hangers with a flip of his wand. hmmmmmmm Maybe I should put "larry" and the 'other' fairies on strike? Let darling dearest feel the pinch of NOTHING clean? Ok, so I'm not that mean. Although I do think about it sometimes! What would our small world be like if "mommy dearest" stopped working? Let's reflect.......
1. Socks, underwear, and all things cleanly would no longer exist.
2. Food would no longer grace the table, or fridge, or cupboards. (meaning NO snacks!)
3. Gas tanks would be on "E".
4. No bills would ever get paid. (hence forclosure?)
5. Kids would not make it to school on time....Ever.
6. Toys and oddities that grace the living room floor would never get picked up. (which means someone is destined for severe pain in their feet as they STEP on said toys over and over).
7. Children would start to resemble the ads on TV for homeless and starving. (this alone would keep me from the strike!)
8. The bank would call, and school, and doctors office, etc. Oh me oh my!
9. No one would ever get a bath or brush their teeth. (help me God!)
10. Obama would have to create a "DAY OF REST" for mothers in order for life to go on.
You see? Life is not good w/o Mommy. Or Larry for that matter. Although Larry needs to be whipped and shoved into the dryer for good measure. He's given me too many bad laundry days as it is! Crazy fairy. He doesn't realize his job makes me LOOK BAD!
Ok, so after all that ...I have to admit I've still got a pretty good guy that I'm married to. He does take out the trash. ha ha He takes care of the chickens...listens to me go on and on and on and on about stuff, while he pretends to listen. (xoxoxo babe!). He's managed to remain calm, cool, and collected (mostly) in the front of my many storms of emotion over that past 8 years. WOW. Can we maybe give him a medal for THAT one? I think so. Plus, he's the BEST.DAD.EVER. yup...I said it. He makes their little faces shine!! They adore him. (maybe because I'm always the bad guy? hmmmm).
Anyway, it's a great life I have...even though at times I hate being glued to the heating pad (not forever!!!). My journey includes all of this. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, school, etc. I am MOM. ha ha Best part of it though? I will one day get my life back........and PLAY will be added to that list! PLAYING with my kids! Horseback riding again too!
Bring on the surgery! I can hardly WAIT!
I first want to say a little something to a dear friend of mine..."You are amazing! You have accomplished GREAT things in your life!!!! NEVER GIVE UP. I am your biggest fan!.....and never forget that God is too!"
Ok..so that being said, I move on to funny stuff. Have any of you wondered about the "Laundry Fairy?". Yes, you may know him (from Rants From Mommyland Blog) as "larry" the laundry fairy. He visits my house on a regular basis. Only to taunt me and laugh at me as he flitters around my washing machine and the PILE of laundry that grows like weeds in the garden. He comes to make me feel as if I'm just not quite good enough. He's evil......sadistic! I want to squash him with the pile of ever growing clothes that 4 people can create. I think I've given the evil thing a run for his money this week! HA HA HA Take THAT you pompus fairy! I am CAUGHT UP. yes...I am. Happy dance for me!
On the other hand, I think my sweet husband believes "Larry" is on his side. I think he believes that "Larry" magically supplies him with clean shirts, uniforms, and a full sock drawer and underwear drawer. I think my darling dearest believes that "LARRY" fills these drawers and hangers with a flip of his wand. hmmmmmmm Maybe I should put "larry" and the 'other' fairies on strike? Let darling dearest feel the pinch of NOTHING clean? Ok, so I'm not that mean. Although I do think about it sometimes! What would our small world be like if "mommy dearest" stopped working? Let's reflect.......
1. Socks, underwear, and all things cleanly would no longer exist.
2. Food would no longer grace the table, or fridge, or cupboards. (meaning NO snacks!)
3. Gas tanks would be on "E".
4. No bills would ever get paid. (hence forclosure?)
5. Kids would not make it to school on time....Ever.
6. Toys and oddities that grace the living room floor would never get picked up. (which means someone is destined for severe pain in their feet as they STEP on said toys over and over).
7. Children would start to resemble the ads on TV for homeless and starving. (this alone would keep me from the strike!)
8. The bank would call, and school, and doctors office, etc. Oh me oh my!
9. No one would ever get a bath or brush their teeth. (help me God!)
10. Obama would have to create a "DAY OF REST" for mothers in order for life to go on.
You see? Life is not good w/o Mommy. Or Larry for that matter. Although Larry needs to be whipped and shoved into the dryer for good measure. He's given me too many bad laundry days as it is! Crazy fairy. He doesn't realize his job makes me LOOK BAD!
Ok, so after all that ...I have to admit I've still got a pretty good guy that I'm married to. He does take out the trash. ha ha He takes care of the chickens...listens to me go on and on and on and on about stuff, while he pretends to listen. (xoxoxo babe!). He's managed to remain calm, cool, and collected (mostly) in the front of my many storms of emotion over that past 8 years. WOW. Can we maybe give him a medal for THAT one? I think so. Plus, he's the BEST.DAD.EVER. yup...I said it. He makes their little faces shine!! They adore him. (maybe because I'm always the bad guy? hmmmm).
Anyway, it's a great life I have...even though at times I hate being glued to the heating pad (not forever!!!). My journey includes all of this. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, school, etc. I am MOM. ha ha Best part of it though? I will one day get my life back........and PLAY will be added to that list! PLAYING with my kids! Horseback riding again too!
Bring on the surgery! I can hardly WAIT!
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