A happy me

A happy me
family - is everything

Friday, December 30, 2011

Before and Now

So, it comes down to this.  The before picture (which I thought I'd NEVER show anyone and yet I have!)
and that unhappy woman! Oh my. So very very unhappy.  I admit...I was FAT.  Only no one could tell me why!  Why!!! When I did everything right!  I was exercising (good too), eating all the right things, and OFF sugar!  I was soooooo good!  No one mentioned, however, that the stomach I owned was the size of a MILK JUG!!! Or a FOOTBALL!!! wow. AND, no one mentioned that the SHUT OFF valve was at the TOP!  Ok, so even though I was eating all the right foods, chicken, salad, no sugar (less than 30 grams a day for a year!), and lean meats, protein etc....I still had to FILL the football/milk jug.  Wow.  Talk about "no wonder I was so hungry".  It seemed I could never feel full.

I will never regret having my RNY surgery.  I'm grateful every day for it.  Yes, I have to take vitamins every day for the rest of my life, but I am FINALLY full.  My stomach is now the size of a cup, or 1/2 cup on some days!  The top is easy to find when I eat.  I don't NEED to eat a plateful of food (even good food) to feel satisfied.  I am content. Finally.  I have lost over 64 lbs since March of 2011.  I am back to the size I wore when I met my Mr. Eye Candy and fell in love.

I am happy.  I am full. HA HA HA FULL!!!!  I have not felt full in years! 

I will never go back to that BEFORE picture. NEVER.  I continue to lose, and I'm good with that.  If I stopped losing today, I'd be OK.  I am happy with where I am with my weight today....158.3.   If I continue to lose that is good...then I'll have a 'buffer' zone.  I'm so happy I did this for  ME and for my family.  I've not been supported all the way by some friends, but that is ok too.  I have an amazing support group on facebook and my Mr. Eye Candy calls me his Skinny Minny these days.  He's loved me through all of it...fat...skinny.  He's the man. :)  Life is good.  I'm really looking forward to the new year.  It's only going to get better!

Update short and sweet

OK...so here is the short update.  FINALLY I've started losing again. Stood on the scales and it showed 158.3 today!!! SO HAPPY.  I was in such a stall! whew!  Good to know I'm still losing. Thought for a minute there that I was gonna be in the 160's forever. NOT that I'm complaining! I mean, HELLO!!!! I feel so great!!

Ok, so as far as great goes... I have to admit there is one complication.  I have had some dizzy spells. Not sure why.  When I stand up...WHEW! Faint...!  I feel like I'm going to faint.  I've contacted my surgeons office (they are sort of worthless).  I have a follow up appt on the 3rd. (next week).  I am trying to get all my vitamins in every day. Making SURE of that.  I mean wow...I don't want to be the one to be dropping the ball here.  Let them be the guilty party not me.

It feels like a blood pressure thing to me.  Not a vitamin lack of.  I'll keep you guys updated.

Christmas was great...just Mr. Eye Candy and the munchkins. I cooked LOTS of food (which I couldn't eat) and it's basically gone now. ha ha  Everyone had a great day.  Kids were spoiled rotten by us and Santa.  I swear...I need to DO LESS next year. I say that every year. God help me.  There are no Grandparents to spoil the kids, so we tend to do a bit much.  I can't help it.

Hope you all have a fantastic New Year!  More pics to follow! Took my 5 mo. shots and want to do a side by side from July to Dec.  Next issue! lol

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Learning Patience

Well, I don't ever say I'm a patient person.  I'd be lying.  However, as I age...yes age...I find that I have to let some things go, walk away from others, and just plain hold my breath on still more.

We've been working for months now on the Beginning Farmer Loan through the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) here in our area.  It's a fantastic program set up to help new Farmers buy land and buildings/homes etc. to farm.  The obstacles are many however.  You have to get a purchase agreement w/ a stipulation that says the funding is coming (only God would know when), and if another offer comes in they are freed from the Purchase agreement to take the other offer if they want to.  The only problem with this is...not many (if any) want to do this.  So...you look and look and look for properties that meet your needs...at maybe a price you can do...and they shoot you down.

We found a great place that I showcased on my blog a few weeks ago.  Perfect.  House was in need of some tlc, but it's old. ha  Turns out that the realtor spoke to the owner today (which happens to be her Mom), and they are not ready to let the property go at the price we can afford.

What does this mean? I have no idea.  We wait. Some more.  Our house is for sale...so who knows.  I know God has a plan.  I just hate waiting to find out what it is.  He is constantly working on me.  I'm a mess.  Good thing he gave me a man like Eric because no one else would put up with me.

I sort of saw this whole thing coming with the farm.  I really tried to not get my hopes up.  I did a pretty good job. After all, I'm practical to a fault.  One can't help feeling the disappointment though.  The let down.  The feelings of "giving up" want to settle in and set up shop.

Plus, I've been fighting the scale over 3 lbs.  WHAT???  I was down to 160.8 last friday, and popped back up to 163.1.  I don't get it.  I think it's because I'm REALLY trying to get that protein in.  I'm pushing to get over 50 grams a day in.  I feel like I'm either eating something or drinking something ALL DAY LONG.  I know I'm getting those Torani syrups (sugar free!) for Christmas...and I cannot wait!!!  Theworldaccordingtoeggface.com has some pretty awesome recipes for protein shakes using those syrups!! yummy to my tummy here I come!

Anyway,  I'm feeling a bit low tonight on the whole farming front.  Dreams are meant to be lived right?  Dreams are meant to be fulfilled.  I want to be able to show my kids that when mommy and daddy put their minds to something they believe in...we can accomplish it.  Today I had to tell them that although we were on "Step 5", we are on HOLD too.  Kids rebound faster on this stuff then we do though.

God help me be patient. Please.  And give me the strength to continue living in this cute house that is a million miles from everything...school, groceries...etc.  Amen.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

It's a wonderful life

Ok...so this is the real life.  Not always pretty...not always fun. 

We have to push on.  Today I was reminded of how precious life is!  A friend of mine is going through a rough time.....AND when I say a rough time You have NO idea.  She's struggling to keep food in her own belly and the animals that rely on her.  SHE DOES IT.  Every day.  I am one of those people that send her $$ to help her in her cause.  I BELIEVE in her.  I know in my deepest heart that what she is doing in her life is the ONE thing we all wish we could do.  LIVE.  Yes, live.  She has found this balance of $$ versus HAVE TO.  It's sort of amazing really.  She always finds a way.  Why? She believes in GOD or a Higher Power.  Whatever works for you. 

I have found in this life, that you have to believe in something.  I choose to believe that GOOD prevails.  Life tends to be pretty harsh mostly, and hurts most of the time.  However, when I look at my friend and the trials she's encountered, I see a CHAMPION!  She makes it happen!  She survives!  It's so amazing to me to see someone prevail!  I love it!

Here is to ALL of us in the WLS world!  WE are CHAMPIONS!!!! WE prevail!!!  My friend is an inspiration to me.  Find yours!  If SHE can overcome the worlds adversities....so can I.  Let's believe not only in ourselves..but each other.

Besides...what else is Christmas all about?  Believe in YOU.

Happy Holidays...and Merry Christmas.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

My Slide Show (4 mo. post op)

Ok peeps! Here is the long awaited SLIDE SHOW!!!  It's been about 4 1/2 months since my surgery on 7/20/11 (rny), and I FEEL GREAT!

I started at 222 lbs in March, 212 day of surgery.  Pictures show the changes for ya...and I'm at 161.8 today 12/7/11.  I've never been happier that I made this decision!  I'm back into my size 10 jeans that I've been saving for 9 years. LOL  I have more energy too!  My house STAYS clean these days. ha ha ha

here is the link:


Lana in MI

Sunday, December 4, 2011

A Side by Side shot EEEEEK!

Ok...so I never thought I'd do this, but WOW I'm just so happy!  I had to make a side by side shot and yup...you guessed it! YOU get to see it! The BIG size 20 (wow was I really that size?) and the now size 10 me.  It's amazing how you feel when you can pull out a pair of jeans you've been holding onto for 9 yrs. NINE years.  I kept them in a box.  Tucked away.  Always swearing I'd wear them again.  AND, TA DA!!! This week I did.

I started at 222 lbs in March of 2011, dropped to 212 on day of surgery (rny) 7/20/11. And Today I was 161.8 lbs.  60 lbs GONE forever.  I'm so grateful for insurance paying for this surgery.

Here ya go:

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Latest and Greatest - or whatever

Ok...so today was NOT the best day ever. In fact....it sucked. BIG TIME.

Let's just put it this way.  2 wks ago we had to take the OLD riding lawn mower (zero turn monster) to the shop. This happens EVERY fall....and about 3 times a year as I see it.  Darn thing is old mind ya!

Ok...so we think we're supposed to get it back last wednesday...NOPE.  So..in that process...we lose 2 accounts.  Fall Clean ups.  This amounts to about $700.  Yes...that is  A LOT of $$$$ for us. A LOT.
Darn thing costs us $500 to fix.  So...you do the math. That is $1200 we've lost.  For us...that is horrific.

So, I'm trying SO hard to be thankful. To think of all the things I have...health, life, children, home, heat, electric, food. etc. So many don't have these things.  I have to BE THANKFUL.

Ok, so there it is.  One day more in the life of the LAWN CARE providers.  OH the drama.  It's so based on $$. TIME....and equipment working!

So, today I will be thankful if it kills me.  I will be grateful I have a healthy family, cars that work, heat in my house, and FOOD on my table.

There.  The end.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Today we see A HOUSE

Well, today is the day we actually get to view a house! Talk about a long process.  We are trying to get funding through a USDA program called Beginner Farmers.  We'd like some property with a few acres so we can do chickens (EGGS!!!).  There are several schools in our area that are wishing there was a LOCAL establishment that could provide them with eggs. I see this as a great niche that needs to be filled.  Plus, we think chickens are fun.

So, the crazy thing is that you have to get a purchase agreement signed...BEFORE you even know what or how much you're eligible for...and BEFORE you know WHEN the $$ will be available. Welcome to government programs. ha ha  We're going for it though. 

Here is the link to the old Centennial farm we are going to look at:  (yes old) http://www.taar.com/mlssearch/#1711285

The old farm house could use some help I know. lol I cringe when I look at the kitchen! ugh.  BUT THE LAND!!! THE BARN!!! omg.  I am in love.  We've been looking for a long time too.  This place has been on the market for a LONG time and it just came down $10,000.  Sooooo....another bonus is that the listing agent is a girl I used to WORK WITH! HA HA HA HA how cool is that? (we were waitresses once upon a time).

Anyway, this is a happy day in the fact that we are LOOKING at a place, and it will motivate me to finish the paperwork needed to keep this ball rolling.

On a WEIGHT note, I am now 44 lbs down since surgery....and since march (when this all started) I'm down 56 lbs!!! Size 12's are getting a bit loose now, and those SAVED jeans I've held on to for 8 yrs are NEXT baby!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

A New Beginning

Today...he is no longer mine.  My love, my heart.  I have gifted him to the wonderful woman who has leased him for over 5 years.  Today he is completely loved and cherished by someone else.  I love you my dear friend.  Live a long life and happy trails.

There is obviously a story here.  One I may tell...one day.  Today, however, is not that day.  Today I am torn between happy tears and sorrow.  Today I am no longer a horse owner.  I'm happy he is loved by the one who has cared for him for the past few years...and sad because I can no longer call him mine.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Weigh In and quick update

OK...omg...I just did my measurements and a weigh in.  WOW. Since March of this year when all the hoops had almost been jumped through, and I weighed in at the Surgeon's office...it was 222 lbs.  (My scale was higher but it sucked ha).  So, weigh in today at home was 169.3 lbs! (new scale!!!).  THAT Is 53 lbs!!!! I am so excited!  Plus, I've lost a total of 38 inches overall. Yes. Thank you God!

I feel great! I feel like I look great too!  I am going to have my nephew make a slide show for me. Yes, it's still in the works.  Today is my 4 month surgiversary so I need to get more pictures done.  I want there to be several for the slide show.  He is going to use one of his very own songs to go along with it!  I told him to put the lyrics in there as they are pretty awesome!!!  So...be patient.  We are super busy w/ Fall Clean-ups (lawn care) right now, and the weather not in our favor...lots of RAIN and maybe SNOW tomorrow. yuck. Not yet please.  Plus the old fart riding lawn mower we use for this type of work has pooped out and is once again (yes at least 3x's a year) in the shop. AHHHHHH  Never a dull moment.

Sadness has also found its way into a dear friends life.  My old friend from home (Ludington, MI) lost her father yesterday.  I send out love and friendship to you Lisa Loxen Makowicki.  To you and yours.  I will be going to the funeral on Saturday.  Mr. Eye Candy worked today so he could take Saturday off so I could go down to be with them.  What a man.

My little Mr. E (6 yrs old) keeps telling me that he wants Santa to bring him a "Murray Dog Puppy" for Christamas.  We used to have a GREAT old Golden Retriever named Murray, and Mr. E loved him!  I've actually gone online and did some looking...but OMG they are expensive.  Plus...do I really want a puppy? lol

Anywho!!  Looks like Sunday is gonna be a fun day for me! I got a babysitter lined up and a couple of my old girlies and I are gonna meet up for a MOVIE! Wow...when do I get to do that?  We've been talking about "FOOTLOOSE" since it started advertising.  Back in my day......ahem....we were teenagers that totally LOVED that old film...that is now the remake. LOL So we're going to try and go see it again together like we did...um....20some years ago!? eek!

Have a great rest of your week everyone! I promise to get my nephew working on that slide show SOON.

Lana out.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Latest Picture and another Size DOWN

Ok peeps.  This one is sort of a happy dance post, and a "damn I'm a big mouth" post.

First things first however...so then if you don't want to read the rest of the ramblings you can move on. lol

I was going through the closet today, and thought..."Ya know...I'm gonna try these size 12's on and see how much farther I have to go to get into those babies".  GUESS WHAT! THEY FIT! I was doing a happy dance and racing around to get the camera and get a shot for you guys!  Here ya go...in my size 12's...that I bought at my friend Natalie's Consignment shop...The Cedar Chest in Ludington, MI. (good plug huh nat?)

my size 12's      

So there ya have it! Oh yeah. Pretty happy.

As for the other ramblings, it is sort of one of those things that you just can't escape.  I didn't make my sister too happy when I 'blasted' her about the holiday thing.  She's a pretty private person, and basically I'm not.  I'm one of those people that is open and ...well...I just don't have secrets I guess. (not that she does).  She is just more private and doesn't air laundry.

So I am publicly apologizing to her.  I'm not sure if she reads this blog or just hears about it from others who do.  I have to say one thing in my defense ... I have asked for years and have never received an answer.  SO, hence the last blog.  I use my blog to try and sort things out in my mind.  I should have not posted it though.  The last one.  I'm saying I'm sorry. 

I miss my family...the days of Thanksgiving and Christmas where we all gathered together at Grandma J's house are long gone.  I wish for those days.  I miss the anticipation for the cousins to get there!!!  The waiting! ha ha  We would all save a gift at Christmas so all of the kids could open one gift at Grandma and Grandpa's.  OH the smells from the kitchen!!!!  Aunt Norma's famous banana nut salad. YUMMY. Makes my mouth water thinking about it.  Grandma's 'cheese tree'.  Sigh...I miss that warm safe feeling.  That "KNOWING" that we were all together and full of love for each other.  

We have our own traditions we're creating with our kids.  Each year after Thanksgiving, we go to the Hallmark Store to pick out a new ornament.  Little Mr. E, and the Princess each get to pick one out.  It's so fun to watch them!!! I love this tradition.  We label the boxes with the year and their names.  So, someday when they are older and move out into their own homes to create their own traditions...they will have a tree's worth of ornaments. (or close!)

So here is to FAMILY.  Near or far.  I love you all.  I love you deeply and miss you always.  When I chose to move to Leelanau County...I did not realize it would mean I'd have to give you all up at the holidays.  That is the hardest part for me.  So I blog. LOL  I write it out.  I talk to myself here.  I talk to all of you. 

This year I will focus on the blessings I have.  My health...my size 12's back...and my beautiful children and my Mr. Eye Candy.  We may not be rich (far from it), but we sure have enough love to fill this house and then some.

By the way...if anyone needs a little extra turkey dinner this year...come on over. 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Family is not always the Best.

Well, once again...12 years later, I'm STILL trying to figure out what it is that keeps my sister from sharing a Holiday w/ my family.  The kids, Mr. Eye Candy and I have never shared ONE holiday with my sister and her family.  I personally have not been to her house for a holiday EVER.  Since my mother died almost 12 yrs ago, it has never once been mentioned or arranged.  I've tried and tried to get her to talk to me about WHY we do not share holidays.  I mean...my children would LOVE to spend a Christmas at my sisters house, or have them come to ours.  Every time I have brought up the subject I get snubbed, unanswered, or just plain ignored.  A year ago it caused such a rift between us that I stopped speaking to her. 

You know how when someone does not answer your POINT BLANK question?  You're left to draw any conclusion that comes to mind.  Let me tell you, the reasons I've come up with in my own mind as to why we are never invited, or even associated with at the Holiday hour...are many and horrible.  I once again tried to reach out to my sister. I was open...and asked her point blank in an email (which by the way is the only way to reach her because she is so busy).  I told her the list of reasons my own mind created...and they were sad. Painful and sad.  And guess what?  Two days later and she has NOT responded to the email.  Guess what my mind is saying to me now?  Yup...I'm a loser.  I'm not good enough for them.  Neither are my children or my gorgeous man.

Oh I could go into this pretty deep.  Give you background.  I'm not going to though as it's pretty painful even now to even write this.  I've always been an open person, and maybe that is too much for my sister? I've always felt I must be an embarrassment to her.  Why else would she alienate me and my family during the Holidays EVERY year?  It must must must be ME.

And, now, at a time when I'm finally learning to like me again...here come the holidays.  Reminding me of the loneliness of it all.  Mom and Dad gone. Grandma and Grandpa gone. 

I will say this...I'm very grateful for where I came from.  I love the family back in my little town. (love you guys!!!)  I'm not ashamed of where I came from or WHO I am.   I'm lucky to have had the best parents in the world.  I try to be that same type of Mom to my kids although I know I fall short...but at least my heart is always full of love and I know I'm trying my best for them.

I want Holidays to be FAMILY.  We spend our Turkey Day and Christmas time with just each other.  Sometimes the roads in MI are rough and the idea of travel is not always welcome.  However, this is my SISTER we're talking about.  What gives? What have I done?  I get no answers from her, so am left to dream up the worst.  In this case my mind is very very very good at dreaming up reasons.  Evil, horrible reasons.

So here we go again...another year of creating our own traditions in our little home.  I'm OK with that, but just once I'd like to KNOW why why why.  Is that asking too much?  Even if it hurts me? You bet. I still want to know.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Another picture

Ok, so it's been awhile, and I'm lazy. HA  I do want to post a pic I had Mr. Eye Candy take a week ago.  My THREE MONTH mark.

In this picture, my little Mr. E is standing w/ me so you get the idea of just how much weight I've lost. Little Mr. E is 45 lbs.  I've lost 48 lbs. total since March of this year. (2011).  About 40 since surgery on July 20, 2011.

I still look at myself in the mirror and see a fat person...but a LESS fat person.  I am SO MUCH happier!  I cannot explain the way I feel other than it's like Christmas when you put on a pair of pants 3 sizes SMALLER and they FIT!  The pants in this picture were a size 20. OMG.  No wonder I hated going out in public!  Although, they were the coolest Fat jeans I'd ever owned. LOL

I bought a dress today in a size 12.  Almost cried right there in the dressing room.  Mr. Eye Candy is being honored for 5 yrs on the job (oh how we wish he didn't have to work there!).  I think he gets a coin or a kick in the pants or something. HA.  I thought I'd make him look good by dressing up for the dinner thing we have to go to.  I can be his trophy wife that night. LOL

The kids are loving their new school!  So alls well on that end! Thank God.  I still hear all the drama from the school we left, and it's same ole same ole.  Plus, I think I'm less Bitchy now that I no longer have to deal with the STUPID.  God forgive me...but I can't deal with the crazy people stuck in the dark ages.  I must admit to all of you, I DID go to my Psych. Guy (the one I went to for my Psyche eval prior to the surgery).....I was thinking I needed to start counseling because I had such ANGER issues with Stupid People.  Well...after a much needed (paid for) Vent with the PROFESSIONAL, he basically said I don't sound like a crazy person to him! ha ha ha  I think I may go in a few more times just to make sure he didn't make a snap judgment. ha ha   He said I just sound like I'm an "edgy, strong person".  Not a bitchy one. HA HA  Well...If I continue to see him, he may change his mind.   I did feel like I was sort of vindicated by what he said.  That I'm NORMAL.  He mentioned that it seemed to him that I sort of liked Who I Was.  Yes. Yes I do. ha ha  I do.  I like the EDGY person that has emerged out of the fog.  I feel sad, however, that my mouthy, edgy self has caused a rift between myself and my sister.  I think that I'm embarrassing to her.  This has been a heart breaking issue for me.  The only drawback to being me.

Ok...so there ya have it.

Bring on the next size!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Long Awaited PICS

OK peeps....here ya go.  I'll start with some from before surgery, then go right after surgery, etc.

AND here we are day before surgery...July 19, 2011
One week after surgery.  Feeling alive.

8 weeks post op....down some lbs!

3 months post op!!! OH YEAH!

45 lbs gone FOREVER

I'm lovin' clothes again...and ME.  And YES, that shirt says "LANA'S Lobsters" LOL I got it at Old Navy 4 yrs ago, and it had MY name on it...so...I bought it! Go ME.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Oh the Drama of ME

Ok, so I seriously need to get some pictures on here for you guys.  I feel GREAT!  I've officially lost 3 pants sizes! 44 lbs gone forever!!!  I feel AWESOME.  I am wearing a size MEDIUM top! Whuck?!  I can't believe it!!! Went to our friendly neighborhood Kohl's department store today w/ my 'additional 30% off' coupon...and HELLO, got 3 new tank top style shirts.  SUPER dressy and two of them were a size MEDIUM.  I am in shock.  I DID find a super cool pair of boots after my bday last month, and they are HOT.  I feel so alive again!  No more FAT clothes for me.  No more non-person clothing.  What is it about 'fat clothes'?  I mean...heavy, large women are people too who still LOVE fashion...and don't deserve to wear tents or clothing that looks like a MOO MOO.   I never did understand why the clothes offered for large women were so UGLY.  The industry's way of saying...fat is ugly? hmmmmm Now there is a whole other topic.

On a different note, we moved the kids out of our private school...and they both started at our Montessori School on Monday of this week, and Tuesday.  The Princess LOVES it!  Little Mr. E is OK with it, and after his second day I think he is liking it a lot more.  I know it was the right thing to do for our children.  I loved our Private school, but they are in the dark about so many Real Life issues.  The discipline is lacking to say the least. They focus on so much of the negative instead of the positive in the situation.  I don't know.  I think after a few years we'll have to go back as Montessori only goes up through 6th grade.   One day at a time now though.

I have also been married for 8 yrs.  Oct. 3rd was our anniversary.  I laugh and tell him he's lucky he's so good looking because otherwise he'd be history.  Not really true...but I feel that way about his family! OMG.  I cannot STAND his family. I stay as far away from them as I possible can.  There was a 'moment' last night at the soccer game (princess plays), where the TROLL of a sister-in-law stuck her huge sausage (and pregnant w/ #6) finger in my face.  It took ALL my willpower to walk away from her.  I think if I'd had a baseball bat...well...you get the drift.  Thank God it's soccer and not T-ball.  I'd be in jail asking all of you to come bail me out.

Yes...I have anger issues when it comes to Mr. Eye Candy's family.  They've sucked all the money from the farm (they have cattle and cherry orchards that all the boys work) for YEARS...having kid after kid after kid.  Mr. Eye Candy used to spend his 3 days off working FOR FREE at the Farm....until I finally started bitching.  I was 5 mo. pregnant w/ the Princess and the Troll of a sister-in-law said TO MY FACE...you guys need to get another job because the Farm can't support all of us. (this after Eric lost a job). OMG.  So you see where my bitterness creeps in every time I see her face.  I think it's a small miracle that I haven't wound up in jail already.  I'm such a passionate person.  God must have about a dozen angels guarding me from Myself!

I promise to post pics next time I blog.  I'm terrible! I have ONE, but haven't downloaded it to the computer yet.  EEK!  Just know I'm Happy with how I'm looking these days, and wearing MAKE UP too!  It's FUN to look in my closet now and think...I can get rid of THAT fat shirt now! YEAH!

I still struggle with finding food to eat...and sometimes it doesn't stay down for more than a few minutes, but I do love my RNY. 

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well, the good is that I have two adorable munchkins picking up their toys right now w/o me screaming at them! Oh yeah!   If I try really hard I can probably come up with a few more things to add to the "good" list.  However, I've got so many "Bad & Ugly" things right now...I think they are blocking out the "good".

Yesterday, I get a call from the new Principal of our school.  You know...those dreaded calls?  Ok, maybe you don't. I know them though. Our school is very strict. I hate those calls.  This one wasn't good.  My darling Princess kicked a fellow student on the playground.  OK...but did the P tell me why? or that my daughter was reacting to another girl throwing DIRT in her hair??? Nope. Well, not at first she didn't.  She merely let me believe for a few minutes that MY daughter was the cause...and reason for said "altercation".  I am now thinking the P is a big B.  Needless to say, my conversation w/ the P/B did not go over very well.  She tried to put words in my mouth when I suggested that the two girls (mine and the other one) in question had been seated together in class all week.  She kept trying to say things to me like, "So, what you're saying is, you think the teacher shouldn't put them next to each other in class?"  NO..I did not say that.  "So, what you're saying then is that you think the teacher should have a seating arrangement?" NO, I did not say that either!  I told her to stop putting words in my mouth, I was not trying to tell anyone how to do their job.  I also asked if the counselor was called in...and was LIED TO!!!  She told me that Mrs. A was in meetings all afternoon and unavailable. OMG.  Well, Mrs. A told me herself when Mr. Eye Candy and myself went in early to pick up the kids, that she was in the library all day like every thursday.   Now remember...this is a CATHOLIC SCHOOL.  You know...where you're NOT supposed to LIE?  I think the P is not going to be getting much respect from me if she is going to LIE to me.  AND, to make it better, she point blank LIED to Mr. Eye Candy and told him the same thing! He spoke to her after school, and asked why Mrs. A was not called in....and SHE LIED TO HIM.  OH OK.  I see how things are going to go.  She was trying to cover her A$$. 

I want so bad to pull my kids from this school...to move them somewhere else!  However, I also know that no matter where we go...it will still be a challenge.  Mostly for me.  I have some major anger issues w/ private schools.  Probably because I went to one for 9 years.  Left me feeling like no one ever truly LISTENED.  So I guess I have a big chip on my shoulder.  I refuse to let the same thing happen to my kids that happened to me.  EVER.  Which is why the counselor MUST be involved. 

On top of all of that drama...I had some drama over the past week regarding my horse.  I've had a super lady leasing him for the past 5 yrs because honestly...I can't afford to pay for him.  I look at the arrangement and think she is getting the raw deal.  We agreed she would ride 3 days a week, and I'd try to get out on the days she didn't ride. She pays a lowered rate on the $board$. On the other end of this, she was also put to work by the barn owners...3 days a week, she cleans stalls, water buckets, etc.  I'd say she works at least 2 + hrs 3x's a week.  Now if you add up those hours...and pay $10 an hour...SHE IS GETTING SCREWED.  yup.  I think she should not have to pay any $board$ at all.  She's seriously getting taken advantage of.  Now, the drama is this:  I was told by the barn owners (who've been my friends for 12 yrs) that I should pay 1/2 the $board$ on my horse now that I've started riding again.  REALLY? hmmmmm.    So now I've got to come up w/ $$ that I don't have, that I was actually putting into my gas tank just to drive the 35 min. over there 2 times a week.  So guess what? I will be paying 1/2 the $board$, but won't be able to drive over there to ride!!! Geez.  Life just gets better. (sarcasm!)

My dream is to sell our house, get the Beginner Farmer Loan from the USDA, and get the property we have our hearts set on (or one like it!) and Move my horse HOME.  Let him live out his days with me...where I can see him in the pasture outside my windows...where I can hear him nicker to me each morning and evening when I feed him.  This is my dream.  It's real...and can happen.  I just want it quicker than I can have it.  Patience is not, nor has it ever been, one of my virtues.

So there...mostly BAD and UGLY this time. Sorry.  At least it's real.  Life can be sucky sometimes.  Life can kick you when you're doing so good!  I was so happy to be riding my horse again! So happy to be out at the barn with my daughter, teaching her how to ride.  Yes, innuendo's were said about THAT too.  She won't be going back to ride any other horse EXCEPT the one we own! I can tell you that.

Tomorrow is another day.  It has to be better.

On a super good note...I'm down 3 pants sizes. I look hot. LOL  Pictures next time I promise!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Some fun things

Well, we have a new addition to our house (for now).  His name is Pumba, but I call him "Chance".  He's a 5 week old kitten.  The JERK who gave us 3 kittens a week and a half ago, said they were old enough to leave their mother, and we were going to take them to Mr. Eye Candy's family farm for the barn.  UMmmmmm NOT after I saw those little things!  They were so small! And two of them did not look healthy to begin with.  So, two of them died within 3 days.  It was devastating!   One of them died in the little Princess' arms!  I was not happy.  The third one is our sole survivor.  He's been to the vet.  The vet says they were barely 4 wks old, and WAY too young to leave their mother.  The issue I'm up against is that Mr. Eye Candy and the Princess are allergic to cats!!!  I have been bringing the little guy in at night and he stays in the laundry room.  He's also litter box trained!!!  Is anyone in the MICHIGAN area interested in a sweet little gray and white kitten that is SO loving???  I don't want to advertise him on craigslist. (yes its a boy kitten).  I'm lost...I don't want to take him to the humane society either!  I've just fallen in love with this little bundle!!!  However, I cannot keep him.

We went to a birthday party yesterday for the Princess' BFF.  She turned 7.  Big bouncy house and lots of candy. ha ha  I actually had a good time.  Talked to a couple of the other mom's.  Most of the kids from the princess' class were there.  Sooooo, I was able to meet "jersey shore" for the first time.  We (my friend becky named her) call her that because that is where she's from...and talks like it too!  We thought she'd be one of those spandex wearing, stiletto heal tripping, big hair, 10 lbs of make up kind of woman.  Nope. Frump.  Plain Jane.  But holy hell! That woman can TALK!  I swear! I thought I was a talker...nope...she's got me beat! BIG TIME.   It was an interesting afternoon to say the least.  The princess has already has some very stressful issues with Jersey Shore's son at school.  Trust me...I did NOT bring it up to this woman! whew! I'd never have gotten away from her!  Her kid is just as bad as she is!  Very in your face, and sort of like a young stalker.  I kid  you not.

On a weight loss turn, I am still not feeling like I'm losing.  Not sure why.  I know I am...just don't feel it.  I think the scale hates me...but inches are melting...clothes are definitely fitting better.  I get to buy a digital scale on tuesday. (my bday...I'll be 35...again!) ha ha  Everyone says I look great.  Hmmmmm.  This picture was taken about 2 wks ago.

This was the first day of school for the munchkins.  One of the first times in years I've felt comfortable getting a picture taken!  Little E doesn't look too happy...but he really loves school! hahahaha  It's just the only pic of me that day.

So on tuesday..when I turn 35 (again) I am going shoe shopping. hee hee I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE shoes!  After kids though, I sort of turned to wearing flats...boring shoes. yuck.  Now I'm gonna find me some fun winter shoes! Oh yeah, baby!  Wish me luck!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Quiet House, Cool Mornings, Loving Me again

Lots to think on lately.  I've been sort of trying to take some time each evening after I put the kids to bed, to think about the NOW of my life.  I have been through so much ups and downs in my life...yes...DRAMA. I admit it.  I do tend to create it, breath it, or wallow in it.  Life without Drama would just be boring.  So there ya go.  Welcome to my roller coaster ride.

I've been trying to not get too frustrated with the whole House thing.  I want ours to sell, but then guess what?  We (meaning here where we live) in Northern Michigan have just become the MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE IN AMERICA.  yup...us.  wow.  Now, that might mean better housing market and better $$$ for our house.  But, that could also mean higher prices for that house we WANT too! eek!  On the bonus side of things though, we live only about 15 minutes from Sleeping Bear Dunes.  Yippee!  That could be a positive thing for us.  This house we have now would make such a cute cottage for someone that just wanted a summer house!  (praying to buried St. Joseph everyday should help too!)

Today was the kids first day back at school.  AND the FIRST day for Little E in Kindergarten! My little baby boy is a kindergartner!  He was so excited!  I got some cute pictures! (which I won't bore you with).  Ms. Princess was also very excited about her first day in 2nd grade.  My  my how fast they grow.   It was so cold this morning when I went to wake them up, I had to turn the HEAT ON!  40 degrees this morning here in upper Michigan! brrrr...But I love it!  Bring on Fall!

Well, I'm down another 11 lbs.  Saw my Surgeon today, and the nutritionist. (who by the way is useless!)  Dr. wants to schedule me for another Endoscope in October so he can see if my scar tissue is closing up the bottom of my stomach again.  He said that most people who develop a stricture usually wind up having to have another stretch done later on.  He just wants to stay ahead of it.  I'm good with it...the drugs are super good anyway. ha ha ha  OK, so that puts me at 188 lbs.  (according to their scale...185 on mine!).  Which is about 30 lbs lost since surgery!!! YEAH!!!!

On a bonus, I got some awesome!!! jewelry on sale from another Weight Loss Surgery girl I friended on facebook.  She makes all her own stuff...so there is NO OTHER jewelry like it!  Here is a pic of a set I got in the mail today.
I do love BLUE...this is gorgeous stuff...matching earrings.  Plus you get a face shot here...although I am not doing a body shot here, you can ck out my youtube and I do a body shot there on my update today.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y3vr0Ymv_V0

AND, If you're interested in Patricia's jewelry, here is her link. 

I am feeling so much better about myself!  I admit there are body parts that are sagging pretty bad though. UGH.  Oh well...I'm am going to be 43 this month. Where did the time go on that! eek!  I am glad Mr. Eye Candy thinks I'm beautiful!  We will celebrate our 8 yr anniversary next month...and this month marks 9 yrs together. Wow. For my birthday, he is taking the DAY OFF! He is also taking me shoe shopping! :) Super excited about that! ha ha ha  I also want a digital scale. Doesn't have to be fancy.  Although the shoes do! ha ha  I want me some FUN shoes!!  (yes, Natalie, I am coming to your store soon! xo)

Also, I'm still riding twice a week!  My horse is remembering who I am which is pretty great.  He is still a bit off, so I'm just doing a lot of walking and bending with him for now.  I think he'll be fine for the clinic end of the month.  What do you expect from an old woman, and an old horse? We are quite the team. I'm so grateful for Diane and Denny! They sure do take care of him.  12 years I've been friends with them!  12 years Doodle has lived at their place.  I'm so lucky to have found them.  Life is definitely better with them in it!

OK, so one day at a time.  I'm trying to breath and just BE ok with the slower pace of life.  I think I should enjoy this time of my life...I'm happier than I've been in a very very very long time.  I'm getting ME back out of this 'bigness', and riding my horse again. PLUS, taking the Princess to the barn with me has been so fantastic!

Happy September everyone!

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A better Me

All my life I've been a horse freak. Yes, I say freak.  Freak because that is what you become when horses are the only thing that you ever really think about...dream about...and want to be around.  I knew at a very young age (3 yrs old) that horses and I were destined to be together.  I did not own a real horse until I was 12 years old however.  That was of course the best day of my young life!

As I grew older, and years of 4H traumatized me, I realized that I needed MORE.  I needed the real stuff. The real trainers!  The ones that taught you how to be realllllly good!  I found that in FL for a few years.  Richard Cyr (God bless you!), was an amazing trainer and friend.  He helped me overcome some fears after I'd fallen and dislocated my elbow.  To this day though, I still drop that left shoulder when I ride.

4H is usually those golden years of youth!  Not for me.  Sure, I had a lot of fun!  Lots of trail rides with my buds, and a few clinics where I learned some good stuff.  BUT...that did not save me from the snotty girls.  The ones that were reallllly good and knew it.   I was chubby back in those days too.  Or so I thought.  Plus, I wasn't very good as a rider yet, and that put me on the 'stupid green horn' list.  Or, as we lovingly call stupid people who cannot ride...Back Yard Rider.  Yup, I was one of those.

The things I've learned through the years though have lasted and given me so much more than what I'd ever expected.  I just have to remind myself some days of how much I DO know, and how much I have inside me that I can reach in and use again and again when life seems to get me down.  All I need to do these days anymore is to just BE with my horse for a few minutes.  It somehow brings me back to earth, and settles the clouds of worry, stress, and irritation.   Horses are more than just animals to me.  They have been a life saver in several storms in my life.  Without them, I think I would have drowned over and over in this sea of life that tosses me around.

The days of riding are finally here again for me.  I've lost enough weight now that I do not feel I am causing my poor old horse distress.

So, today I am grateful for the memories...yes even the painful ones from 4H.  I'm thankful for the people like Richard Cyr that gave me back some confidence and never stopped believing me, or making me feel like a great person.  I cherish the fact that I am a horse back rider, and today would be considered a good one (not great mind you!).  I've worked hard, and that has paid off.  In life you can work hard and it seems like you never see any real results.  However, when you spend your life around horses...you tend to learn a few things that you can put to work in real life as well.  I just forget to use them.  Now that I'm back to seeing my horse on a regular basis, it is all coming back to me.  Lessons learned that I can put to use in my life today.

1.  Patience.  Oh how we forget how to be patient with one another!
2.  Kindness.  We have to be kind or there will be no true results with people.
3.  Peace.  The thing we all seek.  Peace within and peace without.

If you do not practice all three of these around horses...you will never know how it feels to be 'grounded'.  Meaning, that place...that perfect place of serenity.  That moment when God just holds you, and you honestly know it's all going to be OK.

That is what horses do for me.  They give me back my connection with God.

What is your 'place'?  Your hobby? That one thing in life that makes you feel alive again?

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The Scope...and the day after FUN stuff

Ok, so yesterday, we had to rearrange the entire day so that I could get in and get that scope done and whats also called a dialation. ?  Where they stretch the lower part of my new tummy (also called a pouch). 

I think I'm gonna call my 'pouch' FANCY...as she has sure made it known that nothing was good enough to start with. ha ha  This way, if I'm mad at my pouch I can say..."Suck it, Fancy" and feel better. :)  Or maybe I should call her SASSY?

Ok...so the scope went well.  No complications other than they found an ulcer! WHAT??? So now I'm on this liquid medication 4 times  a day.  Mr. Eye Candy had taken me to the hospital, dropped me off, then he took the kids to lunch and to the park.  When I was done they called him, and they brought them ALL back to my little recovery room.  I wish they had NOT done that.  I could tell the kids were upset to see me in a hospital gown w/ an IV in my arm and an oxygen tube in my nose.  NOT COOL nurses!!!  I wish I could take that back.  My poor princess was a bit traumatized.   She had to snuggle with me last night, and man did she hold on tight to me.  The little guy was OK...but he seemed like he didn't think too much of all the tubes either.  When asked later, he said he was sort of scared.  Damn Hospital!  I mean geez!!! My kids are only 7 and 6 yrs old!  (wait...why did Mr. Eye Candy ...never mind).

Today was a much better day for the most part.  The kids and I loaded up our cooler, and off to the barn we went!! DOODLEMAN day!!!  Even the little guy got up for a 'pony ride'.  Those of you that are horse people...Doodle is 16.1 hands high...which means to those of you that are not horsey people...HE'S TALL. lol  Especially to a 6 yr old!  The princess got another riding lesson, and then it was my turn to ride.  Poor old Doodle...he was lame.  He's had issues with his right shoulder off and on through the years, and if he's 'off' it's always the right front leg.  So, there went my ride. I had to get down.  Maybe he'll be better on tuesday when I can get back out there.  Sure was good to see him though, and brush him and ... yes... smell horses!  I swear if they could bottle it and sell it, I'd be first in line.  Call me horse crazy. Oh wait! I am! ha ha  Now look at this...that is love.  Doodle could stand all day next to her.  He has always loved her.

Well, there ya have it.  A good day in the sun.  Lots of fun.  I couldn't ride my horse, so I cleaned all the stalls instead. ha ha  It felt good to do some physical labor again! I actually LOVE working in the barn.

Hope all of you are having a  fantastic weekend as well!  I think tomorrow will be another fun day!  COUPON DAY! ha ha ha

OH...and funny thing happened yesterday!  Mr. Eye Candy FOUND THE HERMIT CRAB!!! Yup.  Darn thing (belongs to the princess' friend) was lost for 3 weeks!!! yes..count them THREE weeks!  I could not believe he was STILL ALIVE! ha ha ha  I'm still amazed.  He goes  home tomorrow! eek!  No more Mr. Crabby Pants in my house!  Sure makes for a good story though!

Later Gator's!

Friday, August 26, 2011

A day for a Procedure

Ok...so I've been having a rough time eating.  I've moved on to the soft foods stage diet, and it's really been painful.  I chew chew chew food super good, but as soon as it starts its way down...the pain hits.  I mean WOW. PAIN.  It comes right back up within a minute or two.  So, for the past 4 days I've really only been able to eat sugar free jello/pudding.  I called in to my surgeons office on Wed. afternoon, and the Nurse Practitioner called me back.  She feels it is a Stricture.  This is when the bottom opening of the new stomach (which is healing) gets closed up with scar tissue.  So, they have to do an Endoscope and slide a small balloon down and stretch it.  Oh goodie.

I've had an endoscope...HA HA HA, and some of you will remember my funny video.  Mr. Eye Candy video taped me AFTER my endoscope...funny stuff.

So, yesterday they called me to schedule this procedure, and TODAY I go in at 1:30 for a 2:30pm appointment.  Yippee.  This is great...I look forward to trying to eat food again.  I'm hungry...and all I can keep down is water, very very liquid protein drinks, and pudding.

The drawback here is that I could not find a babysitter on such short notice.  I had one lined up, but she called me to say she had a "girls day" planned with her mom.  Really? ok. I get it.  I have a medical emergency, but she has a girls day.  I'm ok with that.  Actually I'm not.  I won't lie.  I tried 3 of my babysitters and 2 of them have sports, and the other one has a girls day.  Wow.  SO, Mr. Eye Candy has to quit work...come home...shower...and take me AND THE KIDS to the hospital...Drop me off...take kids to a park or something...wait for my call...and come back to get me...then bring us all home...and GO BACK TO WORK.  It sucks.  This whole summer has been like that though.  The whole babysitter issue has been a nightmare to say the least!  I hate hate hate relying on teenagers!!!!!!!  OH..and their parents!

Oh, and lets add in here that while I am at the hospital, and after this procedure is done... I will be heavily drugged.  Um yeah.  So...I hope the nurses can use my phone to call the Eye Candy, and I sure as heck hope they can wheel me out to the van.  Can you imagine me trying to WALK? ha ha ha ha

I think my kids are going to wind up pulling out THEIR hair one day as I preach work ethic to them.  No one else seems to have any these days!

If I didn't have a medical emergency, I would not be upset about the babysitter thing.  Really.  If I had called just to ask her to babysit for some 'fun' thing I wanted to do...I'd totally get that she had plans. ha ha ha  I only needed her for about 4 hrs.  Life sucks.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Life Sucks and then You get back UP

Well, I won't lie.  Yesterday was just one of those days where you want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over your head and just GO BACK TO SLEEP.   If I had a dollar for every single one of those days...hmmmm...I might actually have money in the bank!

I want to be a good role model for my kids, but I have to admit, I am not that great on some days.  I fail.  I want to show them that it's ok to hurt, cry, get upset, even angry!  AND that it's OK to need some space to be alone.  I also want to show them that mommy does NOT give up.  (ok, doesn't give up easily!)

A good friend of mine sort of gave me a reality check yesterday and I'm pretty grateful for it.  He made me see that it wasn't just US that can't get a loan for other property...it's just about everyone.  Although the market is fantastic, it will not mean an easy road to financial help.  So, the new goal is to just keep trying...bank after bank after bank...until we find someone that will actually TALK to us.  I hate having my time wasted!  I hate sitting in a 'meeting' going over numbers with someone that is supposed to be able to tell me point blank whether or not I can afford the property we want...only to get NOTHING from them.

So, tomorrow is another day.  I did the best thing I could have done this morning!  I went and rode my horse.  I cannot tell you how grounded I felt afterwards!  It's like I found the old me and I was alive again!  I'd forgotten how important it is to give yourself some time.  Time to do the things you love most of all.  To me that is horses.  I lived and breathed them for years before I settled down and had a couple of little cutie patootie kids.   I've signed up for a clinic in September, and I'm super excited about it!  A two day clinic w/ a woman named Sue Hughes. She's amazing.  I've watched her teach before and I love her concepts and direction.

So, now that I've made time for my horse and myself, I feel better able to face other things that have  knocked me down.  I don't quit too easily.  So here I go for another try.

I also have to keep in mind what my dear little 7 1/2 yr old told me yesterday..."Mama, it's ok!  The only thing that matters is God and our family."  Man I love her.

Monday, August 22, 2011

What are hopes and dreams anyway

Well, once again...my hopes have come crashing down like an avalanche.  Killing any desire to keep moving forward or even dreaming of a life beyond where I am now.  I know it's all about picking yourself up and keeping the faith yada yada yada.  However, when you've busted your butt for so long and there is no blue sky in the future, it just seems stupid to keep trying.

I have to admit some very hard truths to myself.  I'm just not going to make it.  I've hitched my wagon to a falling star.  I've dreamed, and hoped, and tried to show my children that dreaming and believing are important.  Well, today...I changed my mind.  Today...I quit. 

There really is no more fight in me for this journey.  We've been trying to find some land (with a house and outbuildings) so we could raise chickens for meat and eggs.  We thought we'd finally found it! Perfect location, around 10 acres...all the buildings we wanted etc.  LOTS of room to grow...and maybe purchase other acreage next to it down the road.  Not going to happen.   After 2 hours in a 'financial' meeting, it just looks like the world is playing a small joke on us.  It's the same story every time we try to get ahead.  The numbers just aren't there.  Although this is a perfect market to buy in...good luck when your net worth is crap.  EVEN THOUGH you are under $10,000 in debt...and have NO other debt at all.   Does not matter that we've just spent the last two years busting our butts to get ahead in the Lawn Care Business...and doing it!  There are still no #'s that support it yet.  So...here goes those dreams.  On hold once again.  Who was I kidding? Myself? Probably.  Yeah...definitely.  I thought that hard work was going to be a cornerstone to our future.  Nope.

I'm done trying so hard.  I feel like my whole life I've worked for the 'other' guy.  Only to dig myself into that hole of misery.  Now, after working for ourselves, it's the same story.  Just a different year.

Yeah...today I feel like giving up. Please don't write things in response to this that "It will be OK" or "It will get better".  I just can't take it right now.  I just want to curl up in a ball and forget today happened.  I want to go back to yesterday where I still had a hold on my dreams. 

Saturday, August 20, 2011

BYOC day: A few things about me

Ok...so Bring Your Own Crazy day is here. (or was that yesterday? lol I think it was! oopss!)

One of the blogs I follow "It's Just Me Drazil & Sheniqua" started a tag.  So, here I go.

1. How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?

I do not wear make-up everyday.  If I have to go to town (yes I live out in the country), I will probably put on some eye make-up.  I like the stuff from Southern Magnolias (ebay). AWESOME! Oh, and a few things from Mary Kaye. She has the BEST lipstick hands down.

2. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.

Your oldest paternal aunt

Soon to be 80
Animal lover
Great Hugger
My favorite

3. Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.

First real kiss...oh wow...it was the BEST.  He was younger than me, and we actually wound up dating for over  2 years.  I was 17.  We stood outside his door (we had been on a double date), and he held my hands and kissed me.  It was EVERYTHING they say it was going to be.  Perfect.  But then, remember, I'd never been kissed before! ha ha

4. If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?

We have a local Animal Rescue I would be proud to give the  $ to.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Well, I've been pretty busy in the house as we've put it up for sale...no bites.  So, we started DOWN SIZING.  We rented a storage unit, and have been putting some of our bigger items in there, along with some of the kids toys (they won't miss them).  Now just to convince Mr. Eye Candy to put his Deer Head trophy thingie in there.  As for Blogland, not much!  I like to write, but for some reason I've been in a funk.  Totally stressed about about the new school year that is fast approaching...so much stress that I'm actually having NIGHTMARES! (and no I'm not in school...I'm talking about the kids school!)

There you have it.  A few things about me. :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

It's been 4 weeks!!!

Well, nothing exciting to report on the fact that it's been 4 weeks since surgery.  I have less pain on my right side - which is GREAT!  They had told me I could go back to work after 3 wks, but umm....NO.  I plan on going back next week for 2 days.  That would be the WEED WACKER job. lol  Poor Mr. Eye Candy has been  doing all the work by himself for the past month or more.

I've also been working these past few days on getting our house Decluttered.  I swear...those kids have more toys than they play with.  I've been slowly unburdening them. lol They don't even know it!  I take all my stuff to my awesome friend Louann. She has a consignment shop for kids in Ludington, MI. ABC Kidz.  Awesome store!!!  I took all my 'fat girl' clothes to my other awesome friend Natalie! She has a women's (yes some guy stuff too) consignment store in Ludington too! The Cedar Chest. Bonus! Kids and ME ha ha ha.  I can't wait to shop in both of them next month!!  Once kids are back in school, I'll be making my trip down there.

Anyway, we have our house for sale, and I want to do the whole "less is more" thing in here.  We got rid of our couch...yes we did. Our tiny house just didn't look right with a big old couch in it.  The dining room, kitchen, and living room are all one big open space here.  Cute for a 'cottage', but NOT too great for comfortable living.  So, I'm down sizing!  (and not just in my clothes!)  We are putting several things in our storage unit for now.  The dream is to buy a fantastic property about 5 miles away that has a barn, and other out buildings, AND 10 acres!!!  Wow...we could have our own pig to raise, AND a cow!  It's a struggle as we are trying so hard to sell this place but no bites yet. (ok ok ok, God, I know you have a plan).  Patience and me are not on good terms.

So there it is...nothing exciting.  I'm still eating soft foods... ate some shrimp yesterday! WOW that tasted good.  I also had some egg salad...yummy.  I tried some baked eggplant, but um...did not stay down.  I think it was the fact that I put black olives on it.  New tummy was NOT happy. That HURT.

Well, off to start the day! Tons to do today! Later Gator's!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Another day another dollar...or less

Well, had my 3 week check up! OH YEAH. I can now officially eat things I could not before. You know. like FOOD!  I took the kids to Wendy's (because BK and McD are evil) and ordered a Small Chili. WOW. Who knew THAT would taste soooo goooood!!!!!!  I could only eat a little bit of it though, and brought the rest home for later...and ate some for dinner...and STILL have some left over. I'ma lovin' this new pouchy stomach! :)

THEN, kids and I went to Kohl's shopping where I used my 30% off bonus discount.  Little E picked out a spankin' sweet pair of Sketchers for school. WOW Those things are expensive! What is it with kids and sketchers? Heaven help me.  Thank God for my friend Louann's consignment store!!! (Ludington, MI)  I can buy name brand clothes there and NOT go broke! AND bonus...take all my stuff there and sell it and MAKE money. HEE HEE HEE  Oh, and I found an AWESOME pair of hooker shoes for like $7.
I admit that I can wear them...but it will take some practice. LOL I haven't worn heals in years!  Think I'll drop another 40 lbs first. Just to be safe. ha

Anyway...nothing else exciting today.  Just a lot of fun shopping with my kiddie pooh's and EATING real food again.

On another bonus...hubby just got home from working all day...and he brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers! WOW. I'm spoiled. 

OH, I almost forgot! haha  I bought my 'folder' for my COUPONS today. :) hee hee I'm now an official coupon lady!


Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Ramblings of a Crazy Woman

So, I'm becoming one of those Coupon ladies. (oh yeah)  My awesome friend Becky has the 'inside scoop' on the ins and outs of couponing.  I'm gonna love this. I spent the morning w/ her. We met at Burger King (I had a coffee), and she had several papers strewn across the table w/ the coupon sections out.  We proceeded to go through the Walgreens flyer and mark down what was on sale, and what coupons were available. WOW. There is definately a 'system' to this madness! I like it! So, basically I spent $80something, saved $63something, AND got back Walgreens bucks in the amount of $11 on my next purchases. WOW.  Oh yeah. Let's just say I'm all over this Poo! Like Flies on you know what!  The state of our economy has driven me to the brink of madness, so this line of thinking fits right into my new lifestyle. LOL  Now, just to find a room I can use to STORE my new warehouse of goods to come? hmmmmm Oh hey! I almost forgot! I have a storage locker! Bonus!

Ok ok ok, enough on my freaky couponishness.  I think I shall call my friend Becky, Mrs. Coupon from now on.  It's such a cute name for her. HEE HEE (I know you love me, Beck!)

As for my weight loss...well....hmmmm. Believe it or not, I've stalled! haha Yeah, I dropped 20 lbs right off the bat, and then nothing.  I'm not worried really, as I've dropped a pants size already, and I'm sure some inches as well.  I am struggling w/ some severe (at times) right side pain. WHEW.  Not bad enough for me to grab the drugs, but bad enough for me to whine a little. (ask Mr. Eye Candy and Mrs. Coupon).  I still can't bend down for things if I drop them...."Hey kids!!! Mommy needs you!!!" lol  I figure, if I can't get it...they can.  I think actually, that I've pulled out a suture in my muscle on the right side.  Who knows. I'd call the surgeons office and ask, but they are good for nothing if you ask me.  I mean, hey, I went to the ER 3 days out of surgery, and no one bothered to check in on me.  That personal service is no longer a part of our society I guess.  Here is your #, now go home.  I'm ok. I'm getting over the whole "My surgeons office sucks" mindset.  I will still tell them though when I see them on Wednesday.  I believe in letting them know that they need to be more on the ball for the next guy in my shoes....or well I was going to say Pants (because of the weight loss thing), but that sounds sort of prostitute-ish.  So we'll go with shoes.

On a different note, school is almost here! I have to say, I'm ready for the routine again.  NOT the run around I'm going to get this year, but the routine is always welcomed.  Plus, our little guy is going into Kindergarten!  We now officially have a 2nd grader and a Kindergartener.  Fun.  The not so fun part , is they both have cousins in each of their classes. WHICH MEANS, I have to deal w/ the "family" on a weekly basis.  God help me.  I've told Mr. Eye Candy that he needs to let his brother know....I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIS WIFE. Ever.  I think it's all for the best really.  We don't want me in jail!  I think my blood pressure just spiked typing that! wow.  Yes, my sister-in-law really gets me.  I try not to talk about her, because it only gets my blood pressure going, and next thing you know Mr. Eye Candy is hiding the hunting rifle.  ??  It's such a long story!  I should actually write it in my blog sometime.  WOW I could actually write a whole BOOK on the subject.  Might actually make it to the best sellers list.  I could name it, "Avoidance At All Costs" or some such thing.  It could be a murder mystery! Where I get away with the perfect crime! Hmmmmmm.  Naw...I'd wind up in the hospital from dwelling on it too much. ha

Well, I hope everyone is having fun this summer!  I'm going a bit mad in the house by now.  I may take the kids to the barn this next week to see the horses. (pony rides too).  Emma has been begging me.  I just have to pack all her meds for us to attempt a trip over there.  I do miss my dear sweet Doodleman though.

Now who can resist THAT face?  His actual name is "Dashing Through" (ex-race horse!), and I often have wondered to myself...hmmmm....Dashing through what? lol  But, we named him Romeo when I bought him back in '99, and since, his barn name has become Doodleman...or Doodle.  It's a long story. lol One my friend and cohort Diane knows very well!

Well, off I go to cut more coupons!  Have a great Sunday everybody!  Keep those trigger fingers busy!  That way everyone stays alive and well! ha ha ha

Lana out.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

A Stolen Entry

Ok, I read this earlier today, and it explained SO much of how I've felt my whole life.  Literally! MY.WHOLE.LIFE.  I could not have worded this better myself.  So, w/ sort of permission...because the person that stole it from HER friend..said I could use it.  I'd post the NAME of the Author if I could get that permission.  It's that good.  Enjoy. 

When I was born, I was already sentenced. Sure, as a kid they said we can't lock her up yet, she is too cute and to young to help herself. We'll wait until she gets older. Maybe she will do enough rights to correct the wrong and won't have to be locked up. I knew for as long as I could remember that this cell was waiting for me. I did everything I could not to get put away. Not too far into my pre-teens I was finally caught, and put in the prison cell prearranged for me at birth. At first it wasn't as bad as I thought. No one really noticed because I was on work release. I could still hang out with friends and go places. It didn't interfere with my life too bad. I only had to sleep there. I noticed though, the older I got the shorter my time on the outside was. I just didn't know what to do. My cell is small; it has four walls, a cot, a sink, a toilet, and a window. It is quite lonely here. People go by my cell and gawk. Sometimes they whisper and think I don't know what they are saying. They think I deserve to be here. They judge me, even though they don't know why I am here. They think that I could correct this wrong easily. All it takes is restraint. People ask me, well, have you tried to escape?? Really tried? Yes, yes I have. The first time I tried, I escaped out the cell door. The guards just left it open, like they were tempting me. I walked out and got to the front door of the prison. I was so excited by the sight of sunshine and the smell of fresh air. This is what I had longed for, freedom. I put one foot out the door, and the guards caught me. They returned me to my cell, and locked the door. After the glimpse of sun, my cell was an even colder place. I was down, but I still had fight in me. I was determined. I realized the bars of the cell were old and worn. I was able to break free once again. This time I ran out into the sunshine. I felt the sunshine on my face and it felt so welcoming and cozy. I was excited to be out. I found friends who were more readily accepting of me. I was free. I was able to live and have fun. People looked at me different; not knowing the cell was where I was supposed to be. Alas, it lasted for a short time. They put an APB out on me, and found me. When they returned me to my cell, they had reinforced the bars and the door. There would be no escape there. During yard exercise, I got out once again. Not very long, shorter than my second getaway, but I was still free for a while. When I got caught, I figured I just couldn't do anything right. As a result of this capture, I was no longer allowed outside. I was and am a failure. I gave up. As I sat in my cell, feeling sorry for myself, I decided to give it one more shot. I noticed the window had only a small screw in it. I opened it, and fled. I eluded the guards for a long time. My life was good. I lived it to the fullest. I was so dead set against going back to prison that I became elusive. I didnt go near the things that could put me back in my cell, even if I needed something. I was a bit sick because there were things I needed, but the guards were all around. All I cared was that I was free. This was the longest, by far, that I had remained free. No one gawked or talked about me. I had a lot of friends who told me I did a great job and they knew I could do it. The longer I was out, the harder it got to avoid the guards. Before I knew it, they had me in their grasp again, and back into my cell I went. This time, the window had bars, and other reinforcement was put up. There was no way out. I am trapped. I am sentenced to a solitary life. I have no hope left. This is the way it is going to be. I lost some friends, others pulled for me. Most people in my life just didn't understand. They said I had it all. How could I give it up so easily? I must not have wanted it that bad. If only I would have tried harder to stay away from the guards. People around me who have never been locked up don't know how hard it is. They just don't understand. Sitting on my cot, looking around at my surroundings, I remembered a guard that helped me throughout the years. He had my best interest at heart, and knew I didn't want to be in jail, nor did I deserve it. He gave me hope, but I had been too ashamed to ask for help. I had been too scared to reach out. He told me there was a key outside the door. I could reach through the bars and retrieve it. Once I have this key, it will be with me always. I may get chased by a guard, but if I show them the key - they will leave me alone. Even if I were to get caught, I could let myself out when I wanted. But attaining this key does not come without risks. Over the years, I have asked people about the key and gotten mixed reviews. Some told me it was too dangerous, and I had too much to lose. Others told me it was the easy way out, and would not help me build character. They said if I wanted out I should do it on my own. I contemplated for a long time, weighing the benefits and the risks. Listening to people's opinions and trying to decide what interest they had in it. I have seen people take that key and live a life free and without worry. I have seen others who had difficulty, and yet others who paid the ultimate price. I have decided that the key is the way I am going. I have tried all the different routes of escape, and all have failed. I can not continue to live in this prison, this dark and lonely dungeon. I have decided to save myself. I am going to assume the risks of grabbing the key, and go for it. Sure, there are those who say this is the easy way out, but I say this is my only way out. My date of escape is September 2011. I will be free forever. Praise the Lord.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Two weeks tomorrow

Well, tomorrow will be two weeks after surgery.  I'm feeling good.  I get tired easier, and I run out of energy quicker.  Just going to the grocery store made me want to come home and take a nap!  I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining the 'after'.  I know it will get better and easier. 

For now, I am eating very little.  Baby food sometimes!  Those tiny little 2.5 ounce jars are perfect and actually make TWO meals for me.  And...yes...I feel hungry.  They tell you that you WON'T feel hunger. Lie.  I feel hungry.  I recognize when it's 'head hunger' (when you THINK you want something but you're not really hungry) and when it's real hunger.  The head hunger hits when you smell pizza or something cooking.  OH YEAH that is hard.   I can only eat the soft stuff right now until after my Dr. Appt. on the 10th.  So, baby food and cottage cheese are darn good right now!

I still look back and think of a dear friend, who has basically passed me over because of this surgery, and remember what she told me.  That I just needed a personal trainer.  Hmmmmm.  If you've ever been over weight, or fought to get some pounds off, you know that it's NOT easy. Not as easy as just joining  a gym and working if off.  I did join Curves...twice.  Did I lose weight? No.  Did I love working out? Yes.  Did I watch what I ate? Yes.  Did I eat healthy food? Yes. Did I lose weight? No.  Did I cut out sugar from my diet? Yes. Did I lose weight? Yes. 8 whole lbs.  I'm proof that diet and exercise are NOT the only answer.

I hate to say it, but skinny people will never 'get it'.  They have never struggled to the extent that large girls have. Never.  I'm sorry chickies...but you cannot tell me or any of my fellow Weight Loss Surgery peeps that a good 'work out' will do it. 

I've found that along this journey, I've lost a friend or two.  Maybe they'll come back? Maybe I don't want them back. Time will tell.  I know that right now I'm happy. VERY happy with the decision I made for  ME and my family.  The energy levels will increase, and I look forward to the next few months and next year when I can do more with my kids outside!!!  I look forward to riding my horse again!

For now though I am still dealing with some side pain. (this is typical) One day at a time. It keeps getting better.  I've already dropped 20 lbs.