A happy me

A happy me
family - is everything

Friday, May 6, 2011

Surgery Date set

Well, the surgery date has been set.  JULY 20TH...not much to do until then.  Two weeks prior to the RNY surgery, I will have to do a protein diet, and stay away from carbs, sugars, etc.  Not a big deal to me.  I was really hoping it would be in June...but I'll take it.  Better late than never I guess.

Lately, I've had  a couple friends step forward and tell me NOT to do this surgery.  I want to say first of all, that I appreciate those friends and love them.  BUT...they will never know what it is to be Obese or the pain I live with on a daily basis....or the regrets I have when I can't get down on the floor to play a game with my kids.  I think most people who have never dealt with obesity, cannot fathom the emotional and physical damage it does to a person.  I wish I could just have a big group of supporters, but I understand that there has to be those few that feel they need to do their 'duty' and tell me all about the mistake I'm making and the risks I'm taking.  What they don't understand, is that by NOT having this surgery, I'm not only shortening my lifespan, but risking several more health related problems that could and probably will crop up on the next few years...causing me more pain and suffering.  Which means less time with my kids and my husband.

So, this surgery has been a decision I have not made lightly, or without education on my part.  I have done my research.  I know the price I am going to pay in several areas, but I personally think it's worth it to be healthy again and ACTIVE.  I miss LIFE so much!

Let me tell you what it was like to be thin...

I could wear pants without struggling to breathe.
I could go out to dinner with friends and actually enjoy myself.
I wanted to go places and be with my friends.
I loved to go shopping. I could always find something that fit. (and didn't look like a tent)
I had energy. Enough to work all day, and go ride my horse after work.
I slept all night. Without waking up.
I could work three jobs and still find time to hang out with friends.
I wasn't ashamed to go into public or be seen out and about w/ barn clothes on.
I didn't have to wear make-up to feel pretty.
I wasn't ashamed to meet up with old friends who I had not seen in years and years.
I laughed a lot.  Not because life was less stressful, but because I felt I could face it.

What it's like to be obese:

I am ashamed to go into public. I stay a hermit in my own home 80% of the time.
I go to visit a few old friends only to fight the panic that someone else from long ago might see me now.
I cannot ride my horse. At all.  It's too painful...for him and me. I have not gone on a trail ride in 2 years.
I have not ridden my horse in over a year...the last time was only walking around in the indoor arena.
I cannot ever find anything to fit when I go shopping that does not resemble a tent or ugly piece of clothing that is merely meant to hide something.
I rarely meet up with friends.
I cannot play with my children as much as I'd like w/o having to stop for breath or sit down because my back hurts.
I have no energy. I do not sleep.

There are so very many other things that I struggle with on a daily basis, but I'd rather focus on the reality that in less than 3 months I will have the opportunity to go through with a surgery that can help me get my life back.  I say HELP me.  I know it's a tool...not a magic pill.  I'm grateful that I have insurance that will cover this operation...and that I have the chance to take this step in getting my life back and living again.

I don't think I'll ever understand those friends that don't want to see me happy and living a fulfilled life, but then they will never understand my life as it is now either.  So, I will not judge them.  I will continue to love them and hope that in the future they can see how happy I am going to be...and full of hope and life again.

I know my body will never be the same (before kids...ha ha ha that is dreaming!)...BUT I do know I can at least dream and probably fulfill the dream of fitting into those jeans I've been saving that are a size 8. OH YEAH.  My goal is going to be realistic....I want to get to 150 lbs. That is a total loss of 76 lbs.  If I can get lower than that..well that will just be a bonus!

Most of all I just want to be healthy again. To get out of that morbidly obese range, and down to just healthy.

So, the journey is really going to begin.  July 20th.  The new me birthday.  Celebrate with me.  Be happy for me.  It's a choice I've made and I'm very excited.

I love you guys.

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