A happy me

A happy me
family - is everything

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Family is not always the Best.

Well, once again...12 years later, I'm STILL trying to figure out what it is that keeps my sister from sharing a Holiday w/ my family.  The kids, Mr. Eye Candy and I have never shared ONE holiday with my sister and her family.  I personally have not been to her house for a holiday EVER.  Since my mother died almost 12 yrs ago, it has never once been mentioned or arranged.  I've tried and tried to get her to talk to me about WHY we do not share holidays.  I mean...my children would LOVE to spend a Christmas at my sisters house, or have them come to ours.  Every time I have brought up the subject I get snubbed, unanswered, or just plain ignored.  A year ago it caused such a rift between us that I stopped speaking to her. 

You know how when someone does not answer your POINT BLANK question?  You're left to draw any conclusion that comes to mind.  Let me tell you, the reasons I've come up with in my own mind as to why we are never invited, or even associated with at the Holiday hour...are many and horrible.  I once again tried to reach out to my sister. I was open...and asked her point blank in an email (which by the way is the only way to reach her because she is so busy).  I told her the list of reasons my own mind created...and they were sad. Painful and sad.  And guess what?  Two days later and she has NOT responded to the email.  Guess what my mind is saying to me now?  Yup...I'm a loser.  I'm not good enough for them.  Neither are my children or my gorgeous man.

Oh I could go into this pretty deep.  Give you background.  I'm not going to though as it's pretty painful even now to even write this.  I've always been an open person, and maybe that is too much for my sister? I've always felt I must be an embarrassment to her.  Why else would she alienate me and my family during the Holidays EVERY year?  It must must must be ME.

And, now, at a time when I'm finally learning to like me again...here come the holidays.  Reminding me of the loneliness of it all.  Mom and Dad gone. Grandma and Grandpa gone. 

I will say this...I'm very grateful for where I came from.  I love the family back in my little town. (love you guys!!!)  I'm not ashamed of where I came from or WHO I am.   I'm lucky to have had the best parents in the world.  I try to be that same type of Mom to my kids although I know I fall short...but at least my heart is always full of love and I know I'm trying my best for them.

I want Holidays to be FAMILY.  We spend our Turkey Day and Christmas time with just each other.  Sometimes the roads in MI are rough and the idea of travel is not always welcome.  However, this is my SISTER we're talking about.  What gives? What have I done?  I get no answers from her, so am left to dream up the worst.  In this case my mind is very very very good at dreaming up reasons.  Evil, horrible reasons.

So here we go again...another year of creating our own traditions in our little home.  I'm OK with that, but just once I'd like to KNOW why why why.  Is that asking too much?  Even if it hurts me? You bet. I still want to know.


  1. Lana,
    You are a beautiful person. I can't begin to explain what may be happening, but do not blame yourself. You have been open and honest and she knows how much you want a relationship with her. The ball is now in her court. Make peace with the knowledge that you are the best "you" that you can be and you have a beautiful family with which to make new traditions and new memories.

    We can never control what others do...we can only control our reactions to it. Be at peace.

    Have a joyous holiday season.
    Ann Genson

  2. Ann...you wonderful old friend you! Those words are much needed. Thank you.

  3. That's really sad. Ann is right. You have made it clear that you want her in your life. It's up to her now, whether she wants to have a relationship with you. You focus on God, your family, and yourself. God is the only one who can change her. Don't get discouraged be encouraged because there is someone who said he will never leave you or forsake you!! ;) You have more support then you probably realize!

    Enjoy the Holidays!!

    Cari C.

  4. Lana,

    You are not alone. My older (and only) brother has alienated me and mine for many years. He lives in St. Clair Shores and treats me like the poor hillbilly relation that he is embarrassed of. My dad passed 4 years ago and he wasn't around for that. My mom lives with us and at Christmas he doesn't send her a card or anything. I have never been invited to his home. He has lived there for 13 years. I am tired of feeling badly about this. I take his son for two weeks every Summer so he can get out of the city and see his cousins. My sister in law does the transport back and forth as my brother couldn't be bothered to come up here. It hurts. But it isn't my fault. And this isn't your fault. Her children will learn from her example and there may come a time when they exclude HER! In the meantime just keep on keeping on. You are making loving memories with your children they will never forget!

  5. Well, I was told that I have "publicly blasted". Ah well. This blog is my way of facing issues, and dealing with my heart.