A happy me

A happy me
family - is everything

Sunday, February 27, 2011

The explanation


for any of you that stumble onto this blog, my name is Lana.  I am 42 years old and I am considering the Gastric Bypass Surgery.

If after reading that first line you have no wish to continue...then please don't read further.  This is going to be a blog about my journey and how I got to this point in my life.

To begin with, I am a mother of two beautiful children whom I adore with all my heart.  I will never regret having children, although I knew when I got pregnant at 34 years old, I would wind up fat or obese. I saw it written on the walls.  You see, I've struggled with my weight all my life.  I actually come from BIG people.  My mother was a very large woman, and her grandmother was a large woman, and on and on.  I am in no way blaming my genes on the downward spiral into fatland!  Those of you that have known me over the past 10 + years know how active I was and BUSY!!! Oh, and thin! ha

It's not like I can pick a point in my life and say "This is why and where it all began."  No, and that is because I've always struggled with my weight. I've always had to fight those 10 lbs that plague so many women on a regular basis!  However, more often than not, those 10 lbs were more like 20 for me, and sometimes even 40.  I'd lose the weight only to gain it back.  People who have never been FAT have NO idea what it is like to constantly fight yourself. Day after day....month after month...year after year, until it wears you down and destroys your self esteem worse than any cruel word could do.  I can't say I am one of those people that had to deal with being bullied about my weight. I never got that big...until now.

Eight years ago, I became pregnant with my first child.  And this was 4 months after quitting smoking! Which of course had me packing on 20 lbs right there.  I had a rough emotional ride during my pregnancy, and was put on Zoloft.  (Now, anti-depressants are not new to me, I'd been on them and off them since 1999 just before my mother died. Of course, every time you go on those devil drugs, they pack on 40 lbs.) Let me just add in here that in 2002 I went off them and lost those damn 40 lbs.  I looked great, felt great, and was on my way to a new life doing what I loved most! Working in a great Stable with horses and horse people.  This is where I met my now husband, and decided to start a family.  I was very reluctant at first to even discuss having children, as I KNEW I'd get fat and probably never see the other side of 150 lbs again.  Of course, I was right.  I now weigh in at 226.  A lot of people will say that is not fat. I care to differ.  I am a huge rolling ball of love.  I have chronic back pain which keeps me practically chair bound and glued to my heating pad. I can't play with my children on the floor or run with them in the back yard. Let's just say, that if I tried running too far, I'd probably give myself a black eye with these knockers that hang like 10 lb jugs on my chest.

Ok, so many people say, "You're fat because you're lazy and need to work out and eat better!" Well, I'm here to tell you, I've tried all that. Treadmill, Curves work out gym, and when it comes to eating healthy, I've done my research and I DO eat healthy. I do not eat more than 20 grams of sugar in a day either. I'm one of those really healthy FAT people. ha ha ha  I work outdoors April thru November with my husband in our lawn care business, and let me tell you...THAT is work!

I had sort of lost focus this past fall.  You see, 3 years ago I tried to get my insurance to pay for the Lap Band procedure, but I had to have a years worth of documentation that I was seeing a doctor, and trying to lose weight on my own.  Well, after all of that, it turned out I was not FAT ENOUGH for surgery. That was when I was 213 lbs.  My BMI (body mass index) was at 35.  Now, two years after that, I am at 226, and my BMI is at 40.  Now the crazy thing about this is that the insurance company will now pay for the surgery!! If you have a bmi at 40, you're automatically in the surgery category. Wow. Really? I'm finally fat enough? Thanks.

So, I went to a seminar on the lap band, gastric sleeve, and gastric bypass procedures.  I was all set on the lap band idea again.  Until I heard everything that was said.  There are NO studies that show how long the lap band lasts, or how long you can keep it in your body!  10 yrs? 15? No, that is not for me.  Then I talked to an old family friend (love you aunt w!!!) who told me her amazing story. She had the gastric bypass surgery 29 years ago! She says to this day it is the BEST thing she ever did for herself!!  So, I too have chosen to do a life changing surgery and take back my life!

I have my consultation with the surgeons this tuesday (march 1st), and my psych evaluation on the 16th. (God help me with that one! HA HA)  I have to attend two support group meetings. This may be a challenge as they are on monday nights! Eric works every monday until 10pm. Great.  I also, do not have my personal support group living near me! So, I don't have help with the kids so I can go to these meetings.  I am not complaining here, just stating a fact.  Most of the time Eric and I do just fine on our own....however, with this surgery, I may need to call in a few friends.

I know this is the right step for me. I know I need to do this. I know I've tried everything else I can think of! Atkins, South Beach, a version of Weight Watchers, Curves work outs, Treadmill, etc. And of course this past year the low sugar diet. (which I have not lost any weight on by the way...but I feel better).

So here it is. My journey.  Welcome along for the ride. 

I am happy to answer any questions any of you have.  Thank you.


  1. Lana, I'll be praying for you. Our son Aaron had this surgery last May. He looks and feels amazing. Feel free to look him up on facebook. He lives in Maine now. We're here for you on this journey! Love ya.

  2. thanks, Debbie!!! means a lot! I will contact him. Hope he doesn't mind answering a ton of questions! ha!!! Give him a heads up will you? lol

  3. Jules, your just the best. I have had so much fun playing with you on K of C and most of all getting to know you as a person. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. I really understand your need to do this procedure, but want you to know, you are a beautiful person inside and out just like you are and I am truly blessed to know you and proud to call you my friend.

  4. Linda...thanks so much! I enjoy the game too and people like you, Darren, Jo and Red make it the BEST time. Thank you for your words...they mean a lot.